Cat, I haven’t had R talks with my H since last October. Did anything change in my sitch? Nope. Today he came and we just did business and small talk. Was it DB? Absolutely, according to the rules. But, and I know you don’t like this word, is there any hope for change? Nope! He likes the status quo. And he is not going to do anything.
I agree, that being emotional doesn’t help the sitch, but it is better than nothing, like in my. Pud’s H hasn’t left yet. And at least she got her emotions out. I think I should do the same, because there is nothing to lose for my anymore. I cannot let H to eat his cake anymore. I think what Pud feels as well.
Pud, I don’t really know what kind of advice I want to give you. I’m just getting disillusioned with the whole DB principle. My H doesn’t fit it, period. I would still maintain my dignity and not beg, plead, or present myself as a victim. I’m better than that. And if he thinks he can find a better person to handle his crazy personality, I wish all the best.
BF, I have not been at this as long as you, but I did want to share some thoughts.
First, have you tried DB telephone coaching? They really are good at helping us make changes and disrupt the status quo.
Second, DB is about us learning to make changes and that those changes will change the dynamic we have with our spouse. So what changes have you made or not made? This can become difficult after a while. I also have been stuck in an unpleasant status quo, but I have a plan to change that.
Third, DB is not a one size fits all. It is filled with techniques and approaches. It is up to us to discover which ones work and to use those that do. Stop chasing cheeseless tunnels. Try something new and monitor the results. If the results are negative, try something different. If the results are positive, keep doing it. Do you keep notes on your interactions?
I only want to help BF. I am still working on doing these things myself.
