I agree with your insight and appreciate your frankness, cat.
I know I say things and get emotional to have some affect on people and no, I don't understand why as a grown-up I still do this. It has always been the only way I knew how to get people to really listen to me. I want it to stop. I just don't know how. How do I apply this? What things do I need to do to change this dynamic in myself? My mind really does not grasp this at all and how to do it.
I can only work on the M if I first work on saving myself.
Pud, I feel your pain and your struggle. I just wanted to share a few thoughts.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. We all do this so don't feel bad, but this is a time for US to change how we act and respond. So how do we do that? First is to recognize our feelings, emotions, habits when we start having them. I bet you know when they are coming and you know how things are going to go before they begin. This is a critical time to catch ourselves and it isn't easy. To prepare, decide on one thing you will do differently. Make it something small. The first time, the change may even come easy. What is hard is to keep doing it EVERY time. This how we change and how our spouses see this change. Once one change becomes habit, try adding another change. Keep them small, they will be easier to remember and do. Experiment from time to time and monitor the results. I know in my case, disagreements and arguments are not the same for me.
As an example, when I first started using a credit card, I blindly signed the receipts, never bothering to check the total was correct. What did I do? I started forcing myself to circle the total before signing. This small change made sure I always checked the amount before signing. It was such a simple thing to do and I have been doing it ever since. I am no longer surprised and if something is wrong, I can catch it before walking out.
