"I thought we had a nice night, but you have to end it like this." My H said the exact same thing to me on several occasions. I finally realized after months of things progressively getting worse that H would NEVER come back to the sad, depressed, mess that I was showing him every time we were in the same room. Every time I cried or got upset or caused "drama" it fueled his reasoning that he HAD to leave. It did not matter to H that he was causing my current state with his horrible decisions and his A. Not only was it making our interactions painful, it will hurting me. I had lost respect for myself and was angry every time I fell apart in front of him and he just walked away to let me pick up the pieces.
Each day that you avoid a confrontation or argument or breakdown you will feel a little stronger. You will rebuild your confidence. You will also give your H an opportunity to see the real you and not the woman in crisis.
Someone on the board have me some great advice at the beginning of my journey and melissa mentioned it above. You need to forgive yourself if you backslide. I have had several backslides, but they were different than before I really starting DBing. Our discussions were shorter and I was able to stop myself from spiraling out of control. I woke up the next morning and crossed out the day despite the minor backslide because I knew that I had learned and made changes. So be kind to yourself. Celebrate even the smallest of accomplishments. Have a plan of action if you see yourself starting to spin out of control (H said something rude one time so I went upstairs without saying anything and took a shower. H actually apologized for the first time in months when I returned after I pulled myself together).
Your H probably has no idea what he is doing and/or what he wants. So give him space and time. Stop giving him things to fuel his thoughts that he cant have a normal M with you. I know that your H was the major cause of all of the drama and pain you are experiencing, but he is just not able to see it. He needs to come to that realization on his own. Until he can stop blaming you, he will never even think to look inward at his own actions.
