not as scared or confused. . still hopeful (II)

[juliegayle]

Labug- whenever I read your posts I picture you sitting lotus style handing out your wisdom. I know your perspective comes from time and a lot of hard work and I hope I can be as rational at some point.

I do think that at the moment things feel less like a roller coaster and more like a see saw. The only thing that has really changed is how I react to things. I am still in shock sometimes that 4 mos ago I really thought my M was better than it had ever been and now I live in a house with a stranger who can't stand the sight of me.

The biggest thing for me was admitting that H is on a path that I cannot control and that he has been on this path for longer than I have realized. It is a path I dont like and I personlly feel that he is heading in the wrong direction. For a long time I was standing in the path trying to redirect but all that was really happening was that I kept getting run over. So I have stepped off the road and now feel like I am watching this all unfold.

This is probably not the best response either because I am not dealing with practical matters like financial arrangements or consulting a L. But I will when I have to.

I did apologize for a past wrong tonight. Most of the things he has been bringing up lately are really exaggerated. Tonight he brought up an incident that I really have regretted for years. I told him so and he really didn't want to hear my apology but then said thank you. He may have just said that so I would go away but I think I did the right thing.