not as scared or confused. . still hopeful (II)

[juliegayle]

Sorry it takes so long for me to reply sometimes. ..I have to sit with things for awhile. (Funny how I do this with almost everything in my life but with H I always spoke and acted without thinking and look where that got me)

JonF Thank you for your perspective on the WAS desire to be free. I agree most of the time that it is crap. If you make a commitment as big as marriage you work things out together. But then the part of me that really wants to be a better person says that if I really love him as much as
I say I do I should sincerely want him to have the freedom he desire. Does marriage and freedom have to be mutually exclusive? If anyone has a formula where both can coexist I would love to hear it.

Paul- you asked how I saw my llfe if my H disappeared. It is funny because I have definitely thought about that before in past rocky periods. I fantasize about it now because it would mean I could move my son away so I could be nearer to family and friends. But in reality I don't want him to disappear. I am looking at what I want my life to be like without his influence. One teeny tiny thing on my list is to color the gray hairs popping up. I never did because h didn't want me to. The new me who wants to be more vibrant and out going needs a pick me up. I have a long list of big and small things to work on.