OMs, cycling, cakes and confusion Oh my Lord ;)

[SM34]

Crimson I think that is sound advice. I definitely do not want things the way they were. I mean we had a nice relationship and get along wonderfully and enjoy each other, but she has low self esteem AND a poor, immature under standing of how affairs start..

Basically she has always had 90% guy friends. That was fine when she was happy with me, even enamored by me as she once was. After marriage, a baby, tough econokic times etc.. a guy becomes a crying shoulder and then becomes a soul mate lover in the oan of four days. Thats what happened.

I had asked her many times tbroughout our reltionship to cut back on guy friends and to always make sure other women are present in any social meet up. She always chalked that up to me being middle eastern and not understanding that girls can have guy friends without anything wrong going on.

I also always told her that I was taught by my parents and by our culture to never air your dirty laundry. I always told her that if you keep telling people when we fight, or if we have a small break up (at the beginning) then when we patch it up and forget, others won't ever forget what you told them. I never considered the other reasons why the old wise folks in my family always told me this, but now I understand that a shoulder to cry on can become much more. Best to not cry on anyones shoulder especially a guy.

So there is much that she needs to learn in my opinion. And I say that in a loving way, not that I am better than her. With her naiive understanding of relationships she can easily fall victim to a predator just like she did.

Her best friend (a woman) told her at the start of this, that she feels in love with someone else not because of something I did, but because she failed to GUARD HER HEART from intruders.

The world is full of people, and not everyone is looking out for you. Most are looking out for themselves. And I don't think she truely understands this. She certainly didn't live by it.