Hey Blues. You have gotten a lot of great advice. Although it is hard to ignore fights and just walk away from your H's antics, it will make a huge difference in how you feel if you change this dynamic. At first I felt the overwhelming need to have H apologize and explain why he treated me so poorly. Our arguments and crying sessions went no where because he was not capable of providing me with an answer or apology. My H is still not at that point. You eventually just have to stop doing what is clearly not working.
This may not work for everyone but it worked for me. I printed out a calendar for the month of October. I promised myself that I would try to not cry, plead or argue with H for 30 days. I would avoid the drama, not freak out or ask questions about the A. I would give myself 30 days of true DBing. For 30 days I would not consider whether to file for D. I made myself an appointment for a massage at the end of the 30 days and saved up over that time. I crossed off each day as it passed.
I am a Type A planner control freak so it helped to have a plan and a goal. It helped crossing out the days because it felt like I was making progress and taking back a little bit of control. At the end of the 30 days, I was a much different person then when I started. So much stronger. It was also around the end of this time that I noticed that H was not as cold and angry. I had single handedly changes our dynamic.
You don't have to make any earth shattering decisions. Pick smaller goals and a plan to get there.
