greetings of the seasoon from someone else continually trying to stfu. it's work isn't it?
you made me laugh with your comment on relatives. it made me think of someone in some show i was watching this christmas - i think it was a tv show- saying "it's not christmas til someone cries". oh man--- my family totally. lots of ANGRY WOMEN WITH GRUDGES & envy & WANTING TO BLAME IT ALL - I MEAN ALLLL - ON SOMEONE ELSE. ANYONE- SOMEONE IS ALWAYS ON THE BRINK OF LETTING SOMEONE ELSE "HAVE IT" - WHat the he!! is wrong with this group? i'm askin ya. they are scary and it's hard to want to be around them.
my christmas went better than usually does. surprise company at last moment so my mom & sister that feud didn't "go there" around outsiders - h was pleasant and helpful and so there you go.
i feel allll the time like you- the stinnkin crumbs. idk - i've got no idea how to fix anyhthing- where it will go- and how long i can DO THIS. FOR THE MOMENT- SINCE NO particular other better plan- i am still here. ta da!!! suck up those darn crumbs baby (me to self) - what is this anyway?
i wonder about that myself- why i am still here exactly- how i can just continue having my life outside of this, while inside of this (mlc insanity) - it's like evertytyhing else- either too complicated or too simple to think about- so i am not going to rite now (hopefully forever). how the heck long can we put it all out of our minds? one has to wonder.
do i trust the process - i'm not so sure- but have nothing better going on.
OH YEAH- you say not chatting on christmas. i'm spending new year by self. i guess i won't die- i hate holidays alone- even stupid old fourth of july made me blue- God i'm a wah wah baby about some stuff.
to me, seems like a mighty bad omen- beginning new year by self . h will undoubtedly be "doin" ow - so woo ho- lots and lots of love and happiness, etc. for him. (so he thinks i believe)
it's allll too nuts for me. even as i say it- i don't believe it (that she's his true loverpie forever ) - but it doesn't matter what i think or feel or believe anyhmore - does it.
h still hangs on- comes back & forth- is nice or generous- why in the world - i do not know. like you- i don't "get it" and we don't get to - do we.
oh well- just checkin in and sayin thanks for the laugh over christmas and family.
im nearly at war with everyone in my family- what a group. DO NOT EVER step out of your "usual role" in the group- hell to pay with that.
just hangin in there- haven't even had time to read around last month or two- life is wierd and just when you think you can't stand THAT_ - IT GETS worse somehow. i'm very glad i'm not 89 and or dying. past year full of hospitals and people dying and so forth.
