I know I say things and get emotional to have some affect on people and no, I don't understand why as a grown-up I still do this. It has always been the only way I knew how to get people to really listen to me. I want it to stop. I just don't know how. How do I apply this? What things do I need to do to change this dynamic in myself? My mind really does not grasp this at all and how to do it.
I can only work on the M if I first work on saving myself.
Talk less, listen more. Stop trying to "get" H to listen to you. Stop "working on the M". It's not working. Your head knows you can't fix this, your job now is to convince your heart. I don't know what will work for you, but I know you WILL figure it out.
I like to tell myself that by pulling back and giving space, I AM actually giving my M the best shot. It's counter intuitive, but once our spouses are "done", oh so true.
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I feel driven for the R talks because I want things to be over, happy, normal, peaceful. Even if anything I said appeared to change his mind, I know now that it would only be because I 'forced' him to do this and not because he wanted to, so in reality things would not change or be different or be any better than they are now. It would only be temporary and false. I think this is what happened the last time we went through a crisis. He came back but really wasn't happy with his decision.
He NEEDS to have his own private journey to find peace within himself. Let him do that Pud, let him do that. Release.
You're having some great revelations here, Pud. Bust On, you can do this!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
