I'm hanging in there. I do wonder, at times, if there was no OM and she was still her if we could be working on things. I think so. She would be able to SEE the changes happening. That's all she really wanted. Now she's gone and can't see anything.
DR and DB are good. I didn't finish DB and moved to DR because I thought it would be more helpful. And others were having the issue with W that left the house and not be able to work on M. I'm going to finish both anyway.
I'm mostly finding the same, redundant stuff. Nothing too different or relevant. I've looked at a couple other forums but found some to be negative and bitter. This one seems to be the most supportive. A few weeks ago I was searching about how often WAW come back, how long, etc. Then I shifted to affairs (never had one, don't know anything). Trying to see what W was thinking/feeling, how long they could last, what's going on on the cheaters mind, etc. Recently just reading almost every post on this forum.
I guess since she's said she's done in her mind we are already divorced. Justification for affair? I'm still holding on, in a way, that she will return. I know I need to let go more to heal. I suppose that's why I decided to pack her things. For me to accept more that she is gone.
Every time I go no contact she will text. So once a week she initiates. The longest so far was one week NC. I broke it on Christmas just to say Merry Christmas, nothing more. I was struggling with it and thought it wouldn't hurt idk. The Saturday before she asked for me to send a few things and money. I didn't reply to that. That made me want to tell her about the insurance, money, packing house. Make it more real for her and hopefully a reality check. I explained that before in an earlier post. It helps me to type it, like talking. I was trying to give time for me to calm down with packing before I told her and to see if she would ask again.
So I feel stuck. I'm afraid to quit my job and move but I have to live life. And it wouldn't be good for me to stay. I'm heartbroken, stuck, sad and lonely. She was my best friend.
