Finding nuggets of gold on this Great Big Hill

[LoisB]

someone who refuses to change or does not want to be happy

This speaks volumes Pud. I think this is the key--and I only say this because I get it. I coulda said that.

Isn't this quote still you leading him across the traffic??? Maybe he doesn't want someone to guide him to happiness, guide him to change...knowlingly, deliberately...

We know these guys. We know how to push and pull and prod them into action. They can sense even the smallest ounce of control on our part. We have 20-30 years of experience getting them to do what WE want them to DO. Maybe, this time, THEY need to figure it out ALONE.

You're right, I'm right... We see them standing in a six-lane highway at rush hour and we see impending disaster. But, maybe they are partly blind to it because they've always had us to show the way.

They toddlers saying, "I can do it myself!"

Let him.

I know the humiliation, the shotgun shells laying around our self-respect...According to the "rules" of Normal, we are being chumps by letting these guys stay married to us and have their girlfriends.

You can't read his mind, you can't predict the future, all you can do is live today to the fullest.

Let him figure his way through this maze of traffic.

I think I just had an epiphany for myself.

At the same time, you've drawn a line in the sand with the GF and living at home--how do you mean what you say and say what you mean? A really skillful substance abuse counselor once told me that's the key to maintaining your dignity when loving an addict.

IDK. Take what you need and leave the rest.