I heard myself in the pleading and all the reasons why NOT to end things. At the same time, I heard a woman being very strong and asserting what you believe in and fighting for your marriage.
I'm curious what would happen if you simply said, "OK. If this is what you want." Just curious, I'm not saying that's the route to go. He seems pretty firmly planted where he is and reminds me of such a teenager pushing the buttons to see what you will do next. Lots of challenging of power and control on both sides. Maybe I see that because it's true in my sitch too. We were kids together and seem to fall so easily back into that push and shove match.
Do you really want him to leave? Have you reached the point where you really can't stand living with him anymore? Is it too damaging to you?
I'm reminded of a story in the Al-Anon 12/12. There's this great story about a woman (reminds me a lot of myself) who enabled her alcoholic husband for years and years. One morning, she gets up and has to go pay for yet another bounced check at the local liquor store where her hubby shops. On the way, she has to pass this 6-lane highway. She sees her husband walking and trying to cross this highway--staggering and obviously very drunk.
Her first instinct is to rush across and help him. But, this is what she has always done. Rescued him. So, this time, she sits and watches in horror.
Unbelievably, the husband makes it too safety thanks to the help of a stranger.
The woman goes on to the liquor store and tells the owner what just happened. The owner says, "That guy needs A.A."
The wife replies, "I know!! (I'm paraphrasing) I've been trying for year!"
The owner says, "Maybe you are trying too hard."
I know I've always tried too hard. Wayyyyyyy too hard. I've debated, lectured, pushed, prodded, moralized, used logic, used insanity, used whatever I had in my arsenal to get this guy to "See the Light."
Maybe we are trying too hard.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
