I read your postings and I see where you and your h were doing the distance/pursuer dance the first time around, as well as the ow was in the picture. When he returned, how long had the ow been out of the picture? I think he returned too soon and didn't complete his crisis the way that he should have.
What happened in the last 18 months that started him back on the road of crisis mania? Losing a job? Death of someone near and dear or a friend, etc.?
I want to caution you that this time around, if he is in crisis, it will be different and far worse than the first time around because he really wants out and be that single guy w/freedom all around him. From what you've posted, it sounds like his crisis has begun and replay is stepping up. The best advice that I can give you is give him plenty of space and time. If he wants out, let him go, don't try to convince him to stay because that will make him more determined to go. Don't argue w/him. It just gives him more justification to leave. One thing I learned is not to point out their errors/mistakes. I know you are trying to point out about the alcohol and how it may have created some issues, but you can't rationalize w/someone who's brain is mushy and filled w/anger right now.
Step out of his way and allow him to fight w/himself. You will need to take care of you and your children. Make sure you have your finances in good shape and begin putting money aside. Your h, if he's entering into full blown replay will begin to spend money, say some really off the wall stuff and begin to act like a teenager. Don't try to explain to him that he's in mlc...they don't like us to try to diagnose and/or fix their problems. Lots of space for this one.
Live your life to the fullest and allow him to swing in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
