In all honesty, would you feel much better if you knew the whole dirty truth? Would you be coping any different? My guess would be, not only NO, but you would now have more images to feed your mind with. Think about it for a minute.
The problem here is your still trying to hold your husband to a standard from years past. He's not that person right now, period. Your still trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
This is about detachment for you now. Your either going to let your husband deal with his issues his way, let go, or your not. I know it hurts, I know its frustrating, but you need to let him find HIS rock bottom. Look at it as your doing him a favor if you will, cause he cant see what he's doing right now. You cant fix that about him, you cant speed it up, you cant show him the way out.
Read these threads please, almost 3 years, almost bankruptcy, almost losing his sanity many times over. But he stayed the path, worked the program. If you cant see the compassion that's not only needed, but required. I think maybe this will help you with your mindset (hopefully), and when you feel a bad day coming on. Read them again.
I use his story a lot with people, I dunno, I think its one of the most inspirational stories you can find. There are many more too. I hope it gives you that kick, that idea of what detachment can really do for you. And what finding forgiveness, understanding, and compassion for your spouse, can and will set you free.
