I know you've heard the term "rewriting marital history", most don't realize its not just the WAS that does it thou.
LBS's to it too, at first we tend to only think of everything wonderful, and even some of the bad/not so great stuff seems to be put on a pedestal and lessened.
"Morning comes and he says we will talk later and it hits me that our entire marriage has been me trying to get him to participate. To talk about money or kids or relationship and him always saying later"
After time, and if things aren't going so well, we're willing to more and more take things off the pedestal and re-evaluate the past. We pick and choose our memories much like our WAS does, but not so one-sided.
We don't change the past as much as they do, but we do replay scenarios over again to help justify some of our feelings. We do tend to not see both sides of the story at the time it was happening. Like talking to a wall, we wanted our side heard, if it wasn't done our way, then we attribute it to their lack of effort.
Maybe it was just frustration, maybe it was taken as nagging, maybe it felt like, oh god not again. Looking back at some of those interactions, would you have handled them differently now? Did he ever feel like he had a say, or maybe it was it doesn't matter, she's not going to be happy with my effort anyways, so why try?
These are all questions for you. I know many a time, it got to a point with my wife, it was never fast enough, good enough, or done with the same fervor that she did it. The endless complaining that I wasn't doing enough or hard enough, I gave up, if I was going to get nagged to death it might as well have a reason. Not healthy I know, but its a dynamic I think we all disregard at the time its happening. But something we have to be willing to look at within ourselves in letting it get to those places.
