It's tough, isn't it? Seeing them normal, yet not with us?
Seeing my H interact with our families over the holidays filled me with mixed emotions.
My H had an awesome sense of humor pre- crisis, he always knew how to make me laugh.
But that sense of humor up and left town at bomb. Didn't leave a forwarding address either
This Christmas, he was like his old self. Joking around with everyone, including me. He was even teasing me and being playful.
Yet... I feel like I always have to watch myself and be on guard. Don't want to do anything to spook him or scare him. It's a crappy way to live, certainly not meant for long- term or a lifetime.
Time will tell if he is truly ready to step up to the plate or not. Because truthfully, this girl is about done with this game.
I hope you have a great new year too, and keep on busting!
Hello dear friend
Yep, we've talked about this. No matter where we are at in our journey, it's tough stuff. It's inevitable for emotions to surface and cycle.
My H and I do have an incredible life story together. We have been through so much together, I feel like this crisis is really just another pit stop on our journey. Even now, after everything that he has done to hurt me and our family, I would be lying if I said that I didn't still love him deeply or feel a strong connection with him. I do.
But loving him doesn't bring him through the crisis or make him face his issues. Only he can do that.
For me, and it may be different for each person, the "letting go" has been a slow process... Kind of like giving him more and more slack on that rope till I get to the very end. Then, it gets dropped completely.
I think we both know that time is coming soon.
You have told me many times that you believe my story with H is not over yet. I believe that too
But this next part might get a little hairy
Thank you for being there with me each step of the way, guiding me along, cheering me on, and picking me up to keep me going.
As you would say... I am honored to call you my friend
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
