Coming Back To Life

[BrightFuture]

Thanks everyone. I’ve kept the cards. I put them in a shoe box and away in the closet.

TWS, honeymoon pictures would hard to look at too. We didn’t have a formal honeymoon. We got married and then had a couple of weeks traveling and visiting H’s relatives in his home state. I have the pictures from that time. I look so happy on them. Even my parents commented back then how happy I looked.

Tiger, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do if he doesn’t ask for his stuff. I think he will though. At this point I cannot even think of any other outcome. Yes, I can imagine it, but it is in my fantasy and I have a pretty good sense of reality.

Ruby, did your H bring some of his clothes back later? When he comes to stay in the house, does he bring a bag or change of clothes? I’m sorry, I just don’t remember this detail. Tossing the wedding ring in the ocean, wow, you are brave.

Busting, I’ve been reading your thread, I can relate to what you post there. I will stop by.

Job, this is what I’m trying to decide, whether I should make him take all the clothes I packed. I will make him take the boxes with his old real estate stuff that he was trying to do a few years ago. You are so on the spot about the Grinch, LOL. Some of his family used to call him that, because he didn’t like Christmas. He actually told me last year during our last R talk that I was “the best thing that happened to him”. I guess, he is looking for even better…

So, I have a few bags of H’s clothes. Pretty much everything from the closet. The only things that are still there are his business suites in dry clean bags. I didn’t want to pack them in the bags, so I left them on the hangers. I will offer him to take them like that. He actually might not want them, since he is now a simple guy, who hangs around drunks and party crowd with some teenage mentality.

I don’t know if his love for me is still there. If it is, he will be trying very hard to bury it even deeper. While going though his stuff, I found a few interesting things. I found a photocopy of what looks can be a Christmas card with just a deer in the picture. There was his handwriting at the bottom of it, saying “here is your f###ing card, and guess how much I paid for it – nothing”, singed with his name. On the other side of this paper was a note from I guess his GF, saying that this is to H’s Mom and step-dad from him and the GF. I guess he was about 18 or 19 at that time. I also found a baby book, that his Mom kept. From a very few notes there I learnt that he was a happy baby and smiled at everyone. Then there was a calendar with his Mom’s notes, the year when he went to Navy. His Mom kept the notes when he deployed, when he came back, when he called home. His Mom really loved him. He was the youngest. I have this thought that H was punishing his Mom for something, I don’t know for what, by returning her gifts and other strange behavior, like that “Christmas” message. And he was doing it for years, I think until she got sick with cancer, and it was about a year before he met me. So, based on this history, I think that he will be having whatever resentment he has for me for a long time.

So far, there is no sign of H today. Not sure if he will show up later, or he will come tomorrow. Today would be our anniversary. Strangely, I feel nothing.