OMs, cycling, cakes and confusion Oh my Lord ;)

[melissag]

SM, this coud be a very good development in your sitch. I hope that it will help your W to come to her senses. In the meantime, you do need to think about what you want. I sometimes wonder if DBing!(as it relates to the spouse) is like a dog chasing a squirrel - what would the dog do if he ever caught it?

You may get different advice from others, but I think that demanding that your W take your name is a bad idea. The way you said it, it sounds to me like you are judging her reasoning for keeping her name based on your own beliefs, and completely invalidating her feelings on the matter. She has her reasons for wanting to keep it; you have yours for wanting her to take yours. Presumably the end result of your negotiations way back when was that you accepted (or at least agreed to) her keeping her name. Demanding that she change it now just seems like grasping at straws for some kind of control or power.

And you do realize that her taking your name will not make her stay in the M, right? I don't really understand what the benefit is to you, other than to rack up a "win." You cannot make your W respect you as a man by trying to forcefully renegotiate what you already agreed to some years ago. JMO.