Some of the things you said are exactly how I feel. My H isn't critical or mean, just self centered. I don't think he purposely hurts me and the kids, he just doesn't care, or more likely, is too self absorbed to notice he is doing it. In your case, I wonder if your H is critical bc he is unhappy with himself, or perhaps trying to convince himself that you are bad so he can justify his A. Either that or, like my H, he's just being an idiot,
The tough part for me, is that I still see my H as my H. So I keep wanting and maybe expecting him to wise up. It is easy enough to say, he is treating me like crap, I deserve better; but it is very difficult to accept the loss of the H I thought he was.
Sit with this for a while and see what happens. I wonder if, for both of us, it is a phase. Only time will tell, so I think I will continue to act the same for a while rather than do or say something I can't take back if I feel differently later.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
