Even though I entered Christmas and my little reconnection with H without any expectations, I have found myself more easily annoyed and angry at H. I knew that ML and hanging out together would not change the situation, but watching him continue to live his single life is making me angry.
It is the little things that are bothering me. I have reached out to H twice since I starting DBing via text/email. I never usually reach out at all, even about logistics. H did not respond to either things, including one thing I sent last night. I was putting myself out there and I got shot down. Lesson learned. Yet, H calls today after noon (Sunday is our family day) to figure out what we are doing. I missed his call twice because I was getting the kids ready and cleaning he house. When I called him back, he said "having trouble answering your phone today." I normally try to be nice, but H annoyed me. I responded "Hey, its like the pot calling the kettle black. You never respond to me." He apolozied and gave some excuse about not wanting to write back because he was at dinner with his family (this coming from a guy who will answer his phone anywhere).
I am tired of just letting him slide by with his little critical comments. I just called him out on it and changed the subject. Clearly ignoring him is not going to make it stop, so I figured I would change my strategy a bit. I am not mean or rude, just tired of him ALWAYS pointing out the negative in others yet never taking responsibility for the negative things that he does.
H just participate in my life and in our family when he wants but cant be bothered when he doesn't. I have known this for a while, but it is just hard to see play out over and over. H lives alone and can come and go when he pleases. H lives life like a teenager with very few responsibilities. H remains the fun dad, while I answer the questions about where daddy is all the time.
I am determined to keep moving forward and to not let this anger get to me. I know that it will get easier as the days pass. Yet, there are just some days that I wonder why am I fighting so hard for this guy. I know that I deserve better and I am not sure that H is capable of giving me that.
