Ambivalent, The way you are living is utterly ridiculous. Turn the heat back on in the house. If you don't keep the heat at a reasonable temperature in all of the rooms you will end up w/mildrew because the windows will sweat, etc. Believe it or not, but space heaters use a lot of electricity in their way. You have to seriously keep an eye on them because they can cause a fire if left unattended, etc. As for the water and sewer, Ambivalent, you are trying to cut expenses, but this isn't the way to go...you are camping out in your home and that is not right.
You are going to have feelings for him for a very long time because you were married for quite some time and yes, you can't turn love off like water coming out of a faucet. In time, you'll find that your feelings may change to those of kind thought for someone like a distant cousin. But, that's a ways down the road.
Now, I want to address your thoughts on kids and boarders. First and foremost, you can't rely totally on having x number of children and boarders. There is no guarantee that you'll be able to get the number you'd like to have in the house. Second, that many in your home will drive you insane because of using your home while you are still in it. Your privacy will be gone and believe me, the first time you have guests over and a boarder comes down stairs in their nighties, that will be it or they make a mess in your kitchen, etc. You have to think about these things because the money may look good, but are you truly willing to give up your privacy for the money? Think long and hard about this before you commit to anything.
Keep the focus on you and don't worry about how he's feeling. Trust me, he's not too worried about you right now...he's more worried about his wallet and how he can untie the anchor weighing him down.
Bottom line, rely on yourself...you can't rely on him to be there for you right now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
