A twist on cake-eating & dropping a bomb of my own

[2Times2Many]

Heather, I think H is trying to re-establish a friendship that he thinks was lost.

We were good friends long before we became involved romantically. Sometimes, I feel like he is trying to start again from square one and proceed, as before, from friendship to falling in love, etc. ... to see if it will happen again. Kind of a search for something he thinks is lost. He told me in October, after a lot of angry exchanges, that we had to re-establish the friendship as a foundation to build on.

Relating details about his social activities, how the business is proceeding, where he is going and who he is doing things with, asking about what's going on in my life with the job, family, etc are the kinds of things we would share as friends years ago. Volunteering to do little things for me that I couldn't handle (like buying tires) also fall into the same category.

It reminds of a Christmas when I was in love with him and he didn't want to admit to himself that he had the same feelings for me. He told me he was going to a party with the woman who cut his hair (single Mom - 2 small kids). I was devastated! But, kept my mouth shut and just wished him a good time. He had a miserable time, had to find someone else to cut his hair and never dated anyone else after that (until years later when the alien took over).

I got peeved with him a couple of months ago when he was telling me how to get the speakers in my car fixed instead of offering to do it for me (he has always handled car issues). I asked him point blank (text) if he wanted the kind of relationship we had after I got divorced when he would give me advice and I would handle things on my own and his reply was a succinct "Yes."

I feel like we are kind of in the same place now. His actions and his attitude the past few weeks have been so similar to that period in our relationship. It is obvious he cares, but he tries to keep a kind of distance (although after all these years, he slips up now and then).

He wants the "in love" feeling (he has told me this) so it looks like he is trying to follow that same path to find it. If that's the case, I'm not sure how that will work for him. It seems like history would get in the way.

When I look at it from that perspective, it is a little easier to find the patience I need. I don't know if I am right, but it sure is like dialing back the clock 20 years. If that is the case, at least he is focused on me. And if that is the case, at least he is trying to find his way back. And that would be a big positive ... right?

I'd be interested in your thoughts.

2T