OMs, cycling, cakes and confusion Oh my Lord ;)

[SM34]

Thanka accuray, your knowledge and wisdom has always been spot on. Please stay with me, and check in regularly. This is going to change by the hour I think.

So this morning she slept in. I took D3 on a drive in the car, picked up breakfast etc.

Got home. W came out and laid down on the couch. Ten minutes later she erupts into a sobbing frenzy. Honestly I was stunned. ....

Then she says "would you mind terribly giving me a hug?". I went over and hugged her and she cried and cried, and cried some more. D3 thought this was awesome! She climbed ontop of us and put her arms around both of us and made kissing noises and giggled uncontrollably.

I realized at that point that she had never seen us being affectionate to each other, and it hurt. I was holding back tears, not for my w or for my pain, but for D3. It [censored] to feel like you are not providing a healthy exanple of a good marriage. Perhaps we can show her how it works, in time.

After a long hug, I felt w mov her arms to wrap around both D3 and I. It was a nice moment. For about five minutes I felt like ny family was complete. Its a good feeling.

I pulled away again and was chasing D3 around the house. When we passed W again, she was smiling. I was deliberatly putting on a display of the fun we could all have. I want her to think hard, feel the pain she put is through. Not in a vengeful way, but in a loving way. I want her to fall in love with no just me, buy HER family, OUR family.

Later while we played together witb D3, she told me thank yiu for tthe hug I really needed that. I said, of course.

Its hard now. I'm holding back on a lot of anger that I need to release. Not on her, somehow. Any suggstions? My thoughts are....

I didn't have anyone to hug me when you pulled the rug from under my feet...

I didn't have anyone to look after D3 while I moped around. And she was D2 back then, and before any of the special school program she is in now that has taught her to focus. She was out of control and I took care of her on my own, after the bomb, while I had to bare the pain of her being wth OM.

I didn't have someone to run to. I don't have family in our town. She has already had several vists from her mom to talk and to hug and cry. I did this, ALONE. More alone than she could ever imagine.

But I'm working through these feelings. She needs time to process the devastatiomn she caused, and I need time to overcome the anger and resentment. I am working on it. Hard. And fast. There is no time for bad feelings. We have a family to rebuild.

Thanks for being here for me everyone. I truely feel honored and blessed to have you all.