No contact with BF since Christmas. I haven't initiated and neither has he. I have been commuting to work since Tuesday. I drive 80 miles each way and have been since my kids are out of school for Xmas break. They get 3 weeks off! Why, I have no idea!
Looked at an apartment today. I can't help but look with sadness as I thought I might be looking with BF, but I am no where near ready to bring that subject up. It will be SO nice to get a place close by, away rom my mother, and have my kids with me. I am actually looking forward to it, regardless of BF. In fact, if I had to consider him, I wouldn't get to choose a place on my own and decorate it how I want!
I worked a wedding tonight and I admit it made me sad. I look around and cannot help but feel bad, like why does this person or that person have someone who is not afraid to commit to them, who can communicate, and who wants to marry them!? I know, it is not good to feel sorry for myself for being alone and having a relationship that's on the rocks, but being at this wedding made me cry
My mind is flip flopping from thinking "hey, he is lucky to have me...and there are plenty of guys out there who would love to be with me" to "I will never find someone I love more" to "things are fine, we're just going through a rough patch."
Why is it so hard to stay positive? I'm trying!
Me:35 BF:36 Together 4.5 years lived together 2 years moved out 8-13 still "together" but not together. Confused. D11, D13 (from 1st marriage)
