Thanks MrCas, I appreciate you checking in. I know that it will be difficult to maintain the mantra moving forward, because things will most likely get ugly as we fight over the house that she thinks she can push me out of. Trying to weigh whether it's worth it to fight, or buy another place or what.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
WAW is being very reasonable for a change, and actually sent the following email regarding sending me the computer files-
Of course. I understand wanting those types of documents. Is there another way besides emailing all of them that you would feel comfortable with? I just don't know how secure that would be with all the information. I can take the external hard drive and upload the documents you don't have and get the others from my parents computer and then return it. Would that work? If there is a specific document you would like sooner, let me know and I'll send it."
I do not want to look through our portable hard drive, filled with pictures and such. So I opted for the following-
"Good morning W Thanks for thinking of the security aspect, it really didn't even cross my mind, but now that I thought about your plan, it definitely is much smarter. There are no specific documents I need right now, thanks for asking about that as well. The hard drive was a good idea, it made me think of a flash drive to put the files on rather than the hard drive. The files should not be too big at all. If you could buy a flash drive to put the files on I'll reimburse you. Or I can pick one up and mail it to you along with your mail in the garage.
With respect, H"
I know these exchanges seem trivial and most likely are, but I still want to make sure I'm doing them right.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I'm working today, but will most likely get her proposed settlement sometime this week. I'm really dreading getting it, the anticipation is bad, I'm back to having trouble sleeping.
I'll be coming here to get advice on how to proceed once I get the documents.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Although it's very difficult, try to keep your emotions in check as this becomes the business side of marriage. The emotional side of your marriage is already severed, this is only the dividing of the pots and pans.
Don't be offended with the first proposal. That's all it is, a place to start. Don't take it personally, you have the power to keep that from happening.
Know who you want to be through this and your bottom line.
Take responsibility for your words and actions. Avoid the "she did x, so I had to do y" victim position.
Have you heard of the Drama Triangle? There's a lot about it on the web, google Lynn Forrest 3 faces of victimhood.
You're going to do fine K. Doesn't mean it's not going to be painful but you'll be OK and eventually better than OK and then maybe even better than you've ever thought possible.
Everything we encounter in life can teach us something. We can either cover our ears, stomp our feet and scream NO NO NO or we can relax into it and believe that this will not kill us, it will be painful but we need to be right here for some reason.
At the other end is something better because you will be better.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
LAB... You said the words that I had in my mind. This just the business end of this. This is the concept I had chosen to deal with my own ongoing D. I may think the offers are silly but I don't let it affect my mood.
KD... You will get through this. You have done well so far and believe you will continue to do so. Let us know what you might need help with.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Thanks for the kind words, I will check out that concept labug, nothing received today, the wait continues, I may wait until after my birthday Jan 2 to do anything.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I spent my first waking moments of 2014 removing W from my health benefits per her request in an email from a few weeks ago. She said starting Jan 1 she would have her own coverage, so I removed her based on that request in writing.
This allowed me to start out 2014 by doing a $5500 Roth conversion, withholding tax through payroll deduction for what I was paying for her benefits, I otherwise probably wouldn't have been able to do this.
My parents and I are heading to Austin for the day to visit one of my best friends from college, cook out and watch bowl games with he and his girlfriend. It should be a stellar time. I'm trying to remain positive.
Also, tomorrow is my birthday. I know, almost a New Year's baby, I haven't heard that one before! I have to work tomorrow, but that's fine, I'm hoping that people will be into discussing developing financial plans now that the calendar has changed and the holidays are behind us.
I wish all of you a wonderful start to 2014, vow to make yourself awesome this year!
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Got an email from W last night- seems trivial to me, just wanted to make sure there's nothing in here I need to address or respond to. She always seems to complain about something in her emails, whether that is her lack of money, or in this one, lack of energy.
She wrote- "Are there documents on the hard drive that I should have? Are some of the tax documents only on the hard drive? If yes, I would still like to go the route of the hard drive that way I can get the documents I need at the same time. If no, please buy a flash drive and I will upload the documents and get it back to you. You can either mail it with the other mail, or put it In the garage and I'll pick it up. I'm so exhausted after work and it already takes me an hour to get home, so stopping by the house to get a Christmas letter hasn't been a big priority knowing that it adds at least another 30 minutes. It's not that I don't care about the mail... Just haven't had the energy."
All I am planning to write back is- "I'm not sure what's on the hard drive, it'll be in the garage for you with the mail."
Should I address anything else?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
