Just a thought that is probably screamingly obvious but...

Our spouses must either be very sure - at a very deep level- that we will be here when they are done or really are done with us. But when they show kindness or moments of their 'real' selves with us- is that them worried or scared that we may not be there when they are done?

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home