The DB community is not fixing you, J. You are fixing you. We're just here to walk the journey with you for a while and offer a listening ear and share some of the things we've learned. But it's all you, brother.
As for your W? I know how hard it is to watch. It's excruciating to see her in pain.
It's also important that she hit that bottom. Once at bottom, she will have two choices: 1) stay that way or 2) make changes. It is imperative that she hit a real bottom though. I doubt she's really there yet.
Bottom drives a person to make choices. What she chooses is anyone's guess though. She doesn't know. You don't know. Time will tell.
Be on your guard. You are going to be vulnerable to her attacks and crazy thinking because you are feeling the pain of watching her go through this. Do not give in to whatever whim she comes home with nor to the attacks. It's important, especially now that you continue to be the consistent you that you are.
It's not impossible that she'll come home in the next few days and say she wants to try. That's what you want to hear, but be careful that it's not just about her. Be careful that the actions and words align. I heard similar, but later found out it wasn't truth. My C even asked me why I let her back. I didn't see it at the time, but I do now: she was still being very selfish and had an agenda/plan. That's why she told me what I wanted to hear and why she came back. Not to make things work. I later found she was still talking to the OM while telling me she loved me, wanted it to work, etc. The telltale was that there was no substance to the words.
Be careful and cautious in the near future especially J. She's not done with her trip. Climbing out of that hole will have fits and starts to it. Keep doing what you're doing and focusing on what you're focusing on.
My $0.02,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
