Look, I still care about my ex. She is the mother of my kids and we were married for 20 years. I care that she is alright even if I don't know what that looks like. I don't know that that goes away. But I don't want to talk to her, see her, or really know anything about her or her life. I wish her well, but that's about the extent of it. I have my own things to do and be concerned about. I have my kids to be concerned about as well.
It took a lot of work and time to detach. I thought I was many times only to find that I was able to be dragged back in. When that was no longer possible, my daughter started up (teens ). It's a journey, but for a long while now I haven't been concerned about my ex or what she does or tries to do. It's got to the point it's not really even annoying when she tries to instigate.
The less I took the bait, the harder she tried. That made it difficult at first to see what was going on. But my goal was to release all of it. I said what I needed to say years ago. I stopped listening to what she said years ago. Over time, it became less annoying to read the emails and texts with the accusations and bile.
I had a great Christmas. It's been a great year. I struggle with ordinary life things like everyone else, but they are just that - life. I learned there are more important things than those bumps as we go along. Or rather, re-learned them. I was a mess for a while to be sure.
Detachment comes sooner if you start now. Don't boil the ocean or expect a pill or electroshock will immediately take it away. Chip away at it and before long it will be less of a mountain, right? Put another way, elephants are best eaten in small pieces.
For me, it helped to pick one thing, deal with it, resolve it for me (without her involvement) and then let it go never to look back. Once that was done, I took another item off the shelf and dealt with it the same way. I never took more than one, and I never stop doing it. Slowly and steadily I keep at it.
Moving on? That's a fallacy if you ask me. You never stop moving until you can't. It's not moving on to me, it's dealing with the issues at hand. More fluid than moving on would imply, and works better for me.
For each of us, it takes as long as it takes. But it goes faster if you get started
Make sense?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
). It's a journey, but for a long while now I haven't been concerned about my ex or what she does or tries to do. It's got to the point it's not really even annoying when she tries to instigate. 