It's difficult though when these men know when to throw something at us at just the right time to put us off our healing.....at least me that is.
No, you're not alone and it isn't just men. I have an ex that still tries to do the same.
It's a transition and he's not handling it well. We refer to it here as MLC. Some refer to it as simply a transition not handled well. Either way, people constantly change. They have to. You have to. He has to. Your kids will have to. It's how it works.
Your mother is correct - detach from the craziness. One poster here likened it to pulling out the buttons as they are found. One at a time, remove the "buttons" he "can" push.
It's no fun to watch the dream you had go away. It's harder to see the person you trusted become something else and be the one to take that dream. But don't think for a second that's the end of the story.
This part of your story closes when you stop it. It doesn't end with divorce. It only ends when you end it because the other person will never quite go away. I live that too, mj. My ex and her husband live three blocks from me. We have two kids; one grown and in college and the other in high school. We have to have some communication and that seems to open the door for the ex to continue to berate, belittle, be angry, diagnose me as crazy, bipolar, schizophrenic, angry, crazy, and so on. This is a woman who moved out on her kids and me on Mother's day (the first time) and re-remembered her past. She told me she wants to be a single parent and doesn't want to share information with me. She tries to still pick a fight and doesn't remember those things. She tries, but I won't let her. I do not respond unless it is specifically business with the kids. It very rarely is.
My point in telling you this is to illustrate that they won't stop doing what they do. You can get angry and tell them to stop. You can get a court order. You can do all kinds of things, but they won't stop pushing your buttons until you remove those buttons from their reach.
Want to do something for you? Want to get out of that depression and anger and the rest? Feel your feelings, but don't expect to share them with him. Let your feelings out some other way. Something more satisfying.
And remove those "buttons".
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
