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[Ambivalent]

Job, they were placed in a climate control facility. He knew they were there from the day I put them there. He could have taken them anytime. Also, in our home I have had blazers, slacks, and cashmere sweaters destroyed. Who knows from where the lil' buggers came.

I've really had it. The letter he wrote me previous to my response, was a I'm tired of being the only one stressed about money e-mail.

He spelled out what his pay is and will drop to in Jan. Talked about how I would only get 30% of the difference, yadda yadda.

He went over the bills and how he is giving more in money than what the legal system would dictate. @@

" You need to live on a budget. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I'm tired of being the only one under stress about money. Totaling the truck, daughter's school, your school, the fire... none of those are covered by the money I put in the xxxxx account.

I haven't put a lawyer on retainer yet either ... because I can't afford it. And generally, I'd rather give you what little money we have rather than give it to attorney's. Hopefully the legal insurance through AMD will give us both access to counsel."

He keeps telling me that I need to live on a budget, yet he never comes forward to discuss anything with me. It is as if I'm supposed to magically know what we can use to budget!

The part about the fire is not even an issue. I'm not going to go out and spend money on replacing a thing! Most were irreplaceable and the insurance should or may cover it.

I finally mentioned some things I had to mention. I'm tired of hearing how he is holding all the stress, when he doesn't have a clue about me, what I'm feeling or how my body is reacting. He thinks I'm just gliding along happy and content in a fantasy world. I guess my acting does deserve and award!

I'm tired of hearing how he's subliminally trying to make me feel guilty for decisions he made. He is feeling like crap and he wants me to feel this too! He knew what he was doing at Christmas, and he chose to crap on me anyway, so I would be just as miserable as he. He wants to commiserate and wallow, I want to get out of this mess and fight on.

I felt it was time for me to just let him know what I felt about running away, and the continuing avoidance and hiding from me and the responsibilities.

I'm tired of him assuming that I don't have something to contribute and that he is the only one that should be deciding on our marriage.

I believe his behavior is cowardly and I threw down the rhetorical gauntlet , he can choose. But I'm not taking responsibility for his choice (s).

This is tough love time. I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and if he doesn't manage to " man up " well that is going to be his loss. He can follow in his father's footsteps or he can become his own man. We can work together , or he can do it alone. Either way, I am going to live.

He is going to be very surprised when he finds out the "legal insurance" is going to provide NOTHING, and sub-par counsel. I'm placing an ad today, and moving forward. Both attorney's said that taking a menial job could trap me into it and lower my range of support. So I'm going to keep what I'm doing to myself. That way I may take the full time position when it comes along, and so it will be a good fit/right for me!

Last night, even though pretty sick, my daughter and I had a really good time!. She loved Swing dance as much as I thought she would! There were quite a lot of guys her age there, and yes even gals.

She danced a lot, and one of the dance "buddies" said she was doing really well. She was smiling and laughing the whole time . D already has a friend at work that wants to learn this, and her room-mates would love this as well! So I believe she'll have a great activity that will help with her depression, won't cost an arm and a leg, and doesn't revolve around the party scene.

I enjoyed watching her dance and have fun. It was so rewarding to see the joy on her face, and that the guys there made a point of welcoming her ! As we were leaving the aerial instructor even showed her that she could learn to do aerials. He took her aside and threw her around his body, and made me film it!

All in all it was an awesome mother-daughter evening. It will be another memory she will have in her bank, about us!