I hope that everyone had a good holiday, and had at least a little bit of peace and happiness with your loved ones.
Thanks rH, Job, Busting, Gal, and UW!
You are all right - ol' FT isn't worth me getting upset over. If I try to see her from a non-emotional POV, she is actually pretty sad and pathetic. There are times when I see her that I feel sad for her H and kids. I knew them. I am sure they have been hurt through all of this too.
How low of a place must a person be to have sex with a friend's husband? I'm thankful everyday I'm not her.
I will keep you all posted if anything happens. I have been sensing some desperation from her, so who knows what could be going through her mind... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas was good, very good. I felt that H was actually connected to what was going on around him. He seemed happy and comfortable, wasn't texting.
Christmas Eve we went over to my parent's house for dinner. H was in a happy mood. He took pics throughout the evening of me, my family, and the boys.
When we came home, he was sweet - he took the boys outside to throw their "magic reindeer food" in the yard. We left cookies and milk out for Santa. He fell asleep in the family room while I was putting the presents out. He did not come up to bed that night (he's been on/off with this)
The next morning, he was up super early. Put my breakfast casserole in the oven for me. Wrote a note to the boys from Santa He told me he didn't sleep well, that he was up at 4:30 am.
He filmed the boys opening their presents, and helped with opening their toys. This is a big contrast from last year where he sat comatose while I tried to take pics, video them, and help them open presents.
He had S5 pick out a charm for me for my charm bracelet, and got a deluxe sleep mask for me from S3. I got him a tool box that he wanted from the boys, and inside I put a mug that I had ordered that had a pic of the boys from our Christmas tree trip this year. He seemed to really like his stuff, and has been using his mug
We had both of our families over for a nice dinner on Christmas Day. It's a tradition we have done for about ten years now. H and I worked well together cooking and cleaning and entertaining. It was a fun day, the kids had a blast and the adults seemed to enjoy themselves as well.
In the days following Christmas, we have been doing various activities with family visiting from out of town. I was curious to see how H would handle this, as this has seemed to be a trigger for strange behavior for him in the past.
He's been seemingly normal, interacting with both of our families. I feel like his happiness is genuine - it would be a lot to fake or put on a mask for. It has been nice to see him be at ease instead of strange and anxious.
I've been kinda struggling though, struggling with sadness.
While it was very hard to see him be angry and miserable, I'm finding that it's hard in a different way to see him be so normal, yet not have a R with him.
I'm missing him more and more.
I'm going to see how things are once the holidays are over and things settle down a bit. It's been almost two months since we had our talk. I want to give him time, but not too much time. I meant the things that I said. I'm not going to live a life where I don't have a real R with my H.
I wanted to share a devotional that I have found to be really helpful to me
"Until the new normal is normal
When humans face major changes and crisis in their lives, the root of their unhappiness is always the same. When someone we love dies or we face financial ruin or we find ourselves now living with a life- altering medical issue, we just want things to go back to normal! But that's not going to happen because we can't undo life. We can only learn to live within our new 'normal'.
We can longingly gaze back to the past or we can choose to forge ahead and explore all the wonders God has in store for us in our new normal. Healing takes time - it doesn't happen overnight and the first step is to let go of what was and take hold of what is."
Have a great Saturday everybody
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
