Sometimes when I think about moving forwRd I feel confident doig that alone without h. I think moving forwRd together would be harder and I can understand now when people have said piecing is hard.

There is a lot of pressure right now on me to leave the country I am living in . To move because it's in such a mess. It's not my country and h is no longer there so in that sense it is easy to leave. But it's been my home for 11 years and I have raised my kids there and have a support network of friends that I would not want to leave.

And the biggest question... Where would I go? Not back to my own country which is also in a mess , and anywhere else would be starting over without H ...

H knows that I would not move to Dubai unless we were rebuilding the family. I told him that straight out.,yet I find out he is telling people that he wants me and the kids to move out there. I suppose it's probably just words to people so he doesn't seem like such an a$$ to people for leaving us behind.

I could come to Europe I suppose. I guess when I think about it- instead having to do it. I will be so alone and it feels like a step I have to take whether I am read or not.

I suppose a lot of this is just my fear of the unknown and borrowing trouble from the future. I don't know what's going to happen- I for now have made a decision to not move and that is still what I feel. It's a decision that eases my heart.

On another note - h continues to be his more engaged self. Indy and praise the small positives and ignore other behaviour.

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home