I am slowly starting to get back into our regular routine after the holidays. I feel like my PMA is suffering a bit. The weeks before Christmas were filled with so much excitement. I was so busy that I did not have much time to think about my sitch. I am not looking forward to New Years Eve. This is the one part of the holidays that I hope flies by. I am not sure why I am not more excited about starting off a new year. I guess that it is the unknown of what may happen in 2014 that scares me.
But in reality, it really should not scare me. I should be beyond excited to close out 2013. 2013 truly $ucked. It was the hardest and worst year of my life so far (and that says a lot because the prior two years were bad as well). I am in a MUCH better place personally. I am stronger and happier with life in general (take away the crappy sitch with my H). We had to cancel our plans last year because H went out all night the evening before. H did not show up until the afternoon on Christmas Eve. Needless to say never of us slept and it was a disaster. Should of taken it as a hint of the things to come in 2013.
I have been trying to decide how I want to ring in 2014. I have several invitations to head out and party with friends/family. But I think that being "out" will result in my being sad that I don't have H to kiss at midnight. It will cause me to look around the room and wonder what H is doing at that moment...I don't even want to go there. I feel like my only motivation for going out is so that H knows that I am out having a good time. I don't want that to be my motivation. Even if I surround myself with friends, I know that I will feel alone. Not the way that I want to start 2014.
So I think that I am going to spend my evening with the three men that always make me feel amazing...my little guys. I have booked a nice dinner for us at a Japanese Steakhouse. I think that I may set up sleeping bags in the basement in front of the tv and let the two older boys stay up late even though they wont make it to midnight.
