You mentioned a couple of posts above that there was a deadline of a month for him, and that your IC had advised you to stick firmly to that. If he took his month and hasn't been able to do what he agreed to, whatever that was specifically, then you should stick to what your side of the agreement was.
You have been his backup plan. What does it look like for you to be his backup plan? Are you waiting for him, not doing things you want to do, not making plans just in case things change with him?
Not waiting for him doesn't have to look like you filing and completing a divorce you don't want. You don't have to do that.
But you do need to move forward, start living your life as if he is not coming back, start making plans for you. Take H as he comes, how he is in that moment, and not as you think if only or he might be at some point in the future. What you see is what you've got, and deal with that reality now.
If you're like me, after enough time goes by, you may want to go ahead and finish the divorce. You may never want that.
Give it some time, but don't be WAITING, be LIVING. And when you want a divorce, go forward with it, but not until then. You don't need to hurry.
Think about what moving forward would look like for you. For me, it was planning myself little vacations and asking H to take responsibility for the kids, so I could get some respite sometimes. It was no longer asking him about himself or offering info about myself. It was a long process of beginning to think about how I was going to manage financially and what my short and long range plans were independent of him. It was definitely about me making new friends and starting new hobbies that had nothing to do with him, and creating an interesting and fulfilling life independent of him. For, me, it does not look like creating a match.com account or considering dating. I'm not waiting for H, but I have other priorities now and I don't think our divorce will be complete for at least 6 months or a year more, so it's not something I'm thinking about.
You don't need to take action to show your H anything, but you do need to take care of yourself and honor your boundaries. Don't stand there and wait as his backup plan.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
