Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

Thank you for stopping by and commenting, JTB. I really needed that confirmation that I did something right. I wasn't sure if I had gone too far by voicing my hopes for an explanation someday. He texted me a day later saying he thought the mediator was good, honest, trustworthy etc... and thought we should use her. I just texted back, "I agree" and have left it at that. Haven't heard a thing since b/c I'm sure he hightailed it out of town up to his family's for the holiday and won't be back until the New Year.

I haven't been posting lately - been busy getting ready for the holidays (yuck) and working out of town although I took this whole week off for Christmas. Had a rough couple of days up until Christmas. But I've gotten through it. Gave myself permission to feel it all, cry it out, talk to a few friends who are steady and supportive. Had an enjoyable Christmas Eve and Day with my elderly mom and sister. Not the most exciting or happiest of Christmas's, but more relaxed and adult. After they left I went to a friends house for dinner Xmas night with another couple and their kids. Back in happier times all three couples would get together for lots of BBQ's and fun times - this time we were minus my H. Kind of sad. I just sat and watched the couples banter with one another and missed doing that with my H as well.

H's sister called me on Xmas Eve day - talked mostly about her daughter (his niece), thanked me for sending her some Xmas cash, yada yada. She asked if he talks with me at all - told her "No" that I feel somewhat like a leper, but also recognized there wasn't much to talk about if he couldn't talk about our situation. She then said that H feels really bad about himself right now. Geez, I wonder why....

H didn't call or text to wish me a Merry Christmas although I'm not really surprised. I thought about texting him to say that despite everything, I wanted to wish him a MC (probably so I could appear to be the stronger of the two of us) but decided against it. Didn't want to get the obligatory response "Same to you" or "Thank you." That would hurt even worse, plus it wouldn't be very detached of me. So I decided to spare myself that pain and let it go. So nothing is really happening at this point in time--I don't have much to talk about. Life just goes on.

However, I'm trying to adopt a raw food diet mostly for health reasons which has provided a lot of distraction from this sitch. I got to use my new dehydrator for the first time today - very exciting. Got some raw nuts soaking to make fresh almond milk and make kale chips. Thinking about taking some raw cooking classes in the new year. So it feels like I may be taking some steps toward GAL. Just trying to hang in there.

JTB, I hope you had a good holiday and that you are doing better. Think about you and keep you in my prayers. Again, thanks for stopping by.