Divorce on the table, Hoping for miracle

[labug]

OM's "best friends" Wife

Your W is having affairs with 2 men?

I've read that 4 times and am not clear? Plus my caffeine isn't at peak level yet

This is about to become a big ole free-for-all.

I saw a preview for a movie about teens and a time machine, the premise is familiar-each goes back and changes just one little thing to make life better for them (or so they think) and then the ripple effect comes in to play and really bad things happen for a lot of people.

I think we all have those time machine moments but all we can change is this moment but we can learn from the past.

[Groov]

Labug,

Affair is with just my "best friend".

[labug]

I read it as she's having and affair with OM and his best friend. Thanks for the clarifications.

[NeedingMore]

Well, Groov...

I think you're doing the right thing about staying out of it for the most part. I don't know how that works with discipline with the church. What do they do?

I totally understand about wanting them to be outed...I think that is a natural feeling.

[labug]

Reminds me of a story...

I worked with a woman, married, 3 kids who she loved dearly. Lovely, funny personality, artistically gifted, religious person, beautiful voice. She sang in the church choir and she and a man from the church began an affair.

They were sanctioned by their church and had to stand before the congregation and admit their sin. She was Dd (don't know who filed)and her affair with the OM continued. He was very controlling and emotionally abusive. Paid for breast implants and nose job for her, because she wasn't quite "right" enough for him. At this point all her friends were setting off warning alarms around her. The R worsened, he was also physically abusive as I recall. She eventually got away from him.

20 years later she's now married to a very nice man, they have a great R. She's happy, her kids are grown and they're good. She has a good R with the first ex.

She wasn't a bad person, she was just blinded by whatever that guy had that gave her something she thought she was lacking. And no amount of "talking sense" by family and/or friends was going to change her mind.

Many of us have wounds from the past we're trying to heal, some are visible, some aren't.

[NeedingMore]

Hi Groov, how was Christmas? Any updates?

[Groov]

Here's the update:

W came over late on christmas eve. She helped get the presents ready and then left. She came back at 8 am on christmas day. She came into my bedroom where the kids and I were. We got up and W said that she wanted to give me privacy while I put on some clothes.

Probably shouldn't have said this but I did: Said "we're still married."

Anyway got the christmas stuff going. It was great! We took lots of pics and had a great time watching the kids get excited!

At some point I asked to see the pics she took on her phone. She said I'll email you the pics. I said I just want to take a quick look to see. She finally conceaded her phone. While I was looking at the pics she was getting very anxious that I had her phone. She said that it made it uncomfortable that I was looking at her phone. I just looked at her and said why... I flipped the phone around and showed her I was just looking at the pics. She then said something like would you like it if someone was looking through your phone? I made a gesture to hand her my phone like I didn't mind. It came time to get some breakfast and I said we should make it. W said she will be having breakfast with a friend (divorced friend who doesn't have her kids this year) instead. So I got to see W and be a family for a whoppen 2 hours on christmas before she left. I let her know that we have lots of games for the kids and she was welcome to come back and play them with the kids. She aknowleged and thanked me then was out the door. Whatever W... she's got issues and it has nothing to do with me....

Thinking back on this I shouldn't have even asked to look at the phone. But it was telling. For the first time I saw her squirm and know that she is hiding stuff.

On top of this all, OM W keeps on contacting me, I have had a few conversations with her in which she is confirming that her H is lying to her. My W and He with W's family went to see some christmas lights and things. I suspect W's family doesn't know about the affair. Anyway OM told his W he was going to the lights and I was going to be there with my family. Which was a lie he told his W. I talked to my W about the evening and she didn't hide the fact the OM was there with his kids. Anyway all this doesn't matter except I have come to the conclusion that I will no longer have contact with OM or his W. OM's W sent me a text today saying she needs to talk to me. I ignored it....

So I am making the best of my holiday with the my kids. I have had them since tuesday and will be exchanging them this next sunday.

Oh on another note, I did give my W the Last resort Letter on Sunday. Felt it was the right time. We had a spiritual prayer and time with the kids and I saw the old normal W and felt it was right. I have no expectations but just wanted to journal that here.

Groov

[NeedingMore]

Hey Groov,

I am glad to hear that you are enjoying the holiday with your kids.

I have been meaning to ask you, have you read any of the posts under the section that says "another divorce busted"? The testimonies of restored relationships?

I read this whenever I am discouraged, because many people say that they had little to no hope at one point. Not saying that is you (you are much more positive than that) but I take comfort in knowing that sometimes when things look bad, or I am in a tough place, there are people who have come out better than they were before and almost every one says that patience was key. You seem to be more patient than I! So keep praying, and doing what you are doing.

As far as the LR letter, if you felt it was the right time, then it was. Keeping your expectations low is right on. While you are waiting patiently without expectations, think about how you are nurturing yourself. When you take your kids back on Sunday, what will you do for yourself? Treat yourself to something special.

If this was all over(regardless of outcome), what would you do to "pamper" yourself? What are your interests and/or hobbies?

I hope you are already doing things for yourself that make you feel good...but if not, go ahead. Splurge on something that is solely for you.

[willbwell]

hi Groove,
I think you are prob wise to stay away from convo with om's w.

Keep your focus on yourself and your children. For me personally, I find it helpful to pray.

I too have spoken with a coach and discussed the LR letter.
my h has already filed. I went against some wise advice here on the boards and ask my h about attending a Retrouvaille wkend with me in Jan. I have not heard anything back from h in regards to this.feel last ditch effort on my part.
he is skiing with our boys and will be back new years eve. I believe he would like to tell the boys about the D when they get back.

D is not what I want.

[NeedingMore]

Groov,

Update and check in if you can...thinking of u