ok I'm feeling all over the place. Last week he had his xmas party and come home a little tipsy and persisted to come onto me. Some things happened but I maintained the no sex thing. I feel kind of gutted I couldn't back away completely but I'm still soooo attracted to him.
Since then Chistmas was great and we both bought great presents for each other. We had to share bed a couple of times whilst at families for the day/night but nothing happened. We have both been showing affection in little ways like rubbing arms and cheeky comments but I'm just so scared of being pulled in to be hurt again. I know what the OW did made him furious that it would hurt me and our children but she has now sent 2 emails that have been kind of luring or suggestive of them having 'relations'again. One as per 30 mins ago and he called to tell me. I found out that what she was, in a way, offering was something we didn't do because it made me feel uncomfortable. I feel like this journey was still suppose to happen as it is a chance for me/us to look at what wasn't working. He couldn't talk to me about this intimate fantasy and I felt embarrassed about talking about it. It didn't mean we couldn't revisit it again ever, its just that we didn't know how???? And now I'm just jealous he ventured into it with another. Anyhow do I be jealous of this or be thankful that he called and told me about the email? I was a bit of both to be honest and now just feel a bit 'blah'
_____________________________________________________ Me 32 H 32 D 6 S 4 S 11mth
Never allow kindness be misinterpreted for weakness. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
