Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

Hi confluences & Needingmore, I thought of both of you yesterday on Christmas and I hope you are enjoying the holidays.

Confluences, the low blow was actually something he said that was about something I can't change about myself. I cried because it hit me that no matter how hard I try there are certain realities he just has to accept. It took my self esteem down 10 notches and really hurt. I don't think he intended to hurt me, he just said it was something on his mind. I'm glad he was open to talking but it just adds another bump in the path to overcome.

We had a nice Christmas together. He wouldn't acknowledge to his family that we were celebrating together which hurt, but he happily joined me to visit my folks.

Also tomorrow he's taking our baby out on his own for the 1st time. I'm happy he's spending 1-1 time with him but I hate the timing. Not a single hug or kiss since coming home from his trip and now he's seeing how he does alone w/ our son. I'm trying not to look into it but it's hard not to brace for him to be practicing with our S because he is thinking of leaving again after the holidays. I hate overthinking things but I'm also so afraid of being disappointed again.