So I have been trying to keep busy and, if not busy, spending my time by the pool or on the beach. I have had almost no contact with my W. Christmas Day, I sent her a simple email wishing her a Merry Christmas. She replied in kind, but didn't sign her email. There has been no contact since. I keep oscillating from rising early for a long walk to sleeping in until lunch. Some days I just feel numb. Other days I feel the paralysis of despair. Who and what awaits me when I return gnaws at me. Will she harden or soften her position? I write here to avoid sharing my fears with her. I chat with friends who provide emotional support. None of it feels like enough.
