Thanks busting. I hope you and your children had a wonderful day too.
My Christmas was nice with no expectations
H and I awoke about 7:30, and S still wasn't up yet. Long gone are the days when the kid is up at 5:01 am Christmas day! LOL. I eventually woke him up around 8:30. After all it really is all about the kids anymore.
We did our stockings first. H actually got me some stocking stuffers, so I was pleasantly surprised. Actually some things he might have gotten me before all this happened so again it seemed 'normal'. I can't use that word anymore without putting it in quotes, lol! At one point I pulled out some black licorice and was curious about that. I don't really like black licorice. Then when we were done S and I suggested that H do the traditional Christmas breakfast, which in our family is eggs with toppings and salsa. I didn't think he would be interested but he actually did. Before he went into the kitchen, he came over behind the couch where I was sitting. He put his hand on my shoulder and leaned in and said 'I got the black licorice because I knew that your Dad used to love black licorice on Christmas'. I looked at him with stare of happiness. For those who don't know, he had not been there for me emotionally when my Dad passed away and it was a very difficult time for me. I had brought this up after BD on how much I had missed him during this time and how much it hurt that he had let me down in that area. So for him to think of something my dad liked and give it to me on Christmas was...I can't even think of a word, but it was awesome of him to do that. He started to walk away and I said 'that was sweet, Oh sure, make me cry now!' and laughed. Wow.
He made the breakfast and then we ate. Afterwards I thanked him with a hug from behind and kissed his cheek.
We opened gifts. I had gotten him only one small thing, my heart just wasn't in it but I knew he would be hurt if I didn't get him anything. I gave him a collector's edition of the Fast and Furious 6 cds. He and S love those movies and we loved Paul Walker. I also had put a card in his stocking, just signed it with my name and no love stuff. He didn't mention the card at all, but I didn't mind. Just knowing he got it was fine for me.
He got me a Audrey Hepburn calendar I had mentioned I liked the other day when he and I were out shopping for S. Even though it wasn't a love gift, it was nice that he had remembered something I said I liked. He also gave me 3 gift cards to various places. Things he would have done back in 'normal' days. He also had put some tikki marsala sauce in my stocking. We had watched a show the other day about how they make it and I had commented on how good it looked. So again he remembered something I said I liked. Also, he gave me a jar of fancy olives, because I LOVE olives. I'm finding this weird, lol. But so nice.
We had fun watching S open his gifts. We had convinced him we just didn't have the money for a new smart phone for him, but we bought one because the less recent ones are now free or very cheap. S was SO HAPPY with this! So Christmas morning was very nice.
Then in the afternoon we got ready to go over to his mom's and dad's house. We were wrapping up some last minute gifts for his family and I asked H to help out wrapping some gift cards in tissue paper. At first, he wrapped it in a huge ball of paper and held it out to me with a look like what do I do now. I just laughed and said 'Oh you guys', and then let it go. Normally in the past I would have said something like 'really, you can't do better than that?' So that was a 180. I left him to his own on that and he actually did end up wrapping them nicely.
When we got to parent's house I hugged and kissed everyone in the family, they were so warm and nice, just like always. Then throughout the snack eating and gift opening, I was laughing and making jokes and getting involved in conversations. At one point S was showing grandma his new phone and she asked what grandma's ringtone was and I said singing 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer!' Everyone laughed and Grandma just cracked up!
I really was in a good mood, just because that is normally who I am and it felt good to be with family and on a nice holiday. A couple of times H spoke up about something but he was being so quiet voiced that people didn't hear him. I felt kind of bad for him. As I was sitting next to him, I said a few times 'I don't think they heard you' or I got someone's attention that he was trying to say something too. That was odd. He also drank 3 glasses of wine there which is unusual, he wouldn't have drank before at his parent's house.
My MIL gave me a heavy crystal ornament on a pretty ribbon. I thanked her for it and when they turned away from that, I said to H 'maybe I should hang this around your neck' and chuckled. I meant it as in those heavy huge necklaces that the rapper's have on their necks. But he said 'so you can keep track of me and where I'm going' and he laughed weakly, but didn't look at me. I just laughed but was curious about the way he answered. I just let it go. LOL! sheesh.
I left H sitting on the couch often and mingled with family, just having a good old time. I love me now, the me that I used to be, fun, happy, a jokester. I had missed that girl!
H did not bring his phone in the house nor did he text in the car on the way there or back. That was SO nice not to have that annoying factor around.
After we got home, I asked him a few times if he wanted to watch the movie I gave him. He was strange about it and kept saying 'nah, i'm ok' or 'i'll do it later'. Normally he would have been all over watching that movie, 3 or 4 times even.
We also have a tradition of where we get each other little lego things to build, the small boxes. We both gave S one, and then I gave H one. I didn't get one :(, but wasn't surprised by it. H also would have been all over building that too, but didn't, just took it to his room. Poor guy. So sad to see him leave the fun little joys behind.
So even though it was a nice day, nice to have H there and participating, he seemed kind of depressed in a quiet way. He would laugh once in a while, but it seemed like he forgot for a minute that he was not supposed to show happy or something. Mlc, gotta love it. not.
It's a crazy life, but I'm good peeps!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Thanks busting. I hope you and your children had a wonderful day too.
My Christmas was nice with no expectations
H and I awoke about 7:30, and S still wasn't up yet. Long gone are the days when the kid is up at 5:01 am Christmas day! LOL. I eventually woke him up around 8:30. After all it really is all about the kids anymore.
We did our stockings first. H actually got me some stocking stuffers, so I was pleasantly surprised. Actually some things he might have gotten me before all this happened so again it seemed 'normal'. I can't use that word anymore without putting it in quotes, lol! At one point I pulled out some black licorice and was curious about that. I don't really like black licorice. Then when we were done S and I suggested that H do the traditional Christmas breakfast, which in our family is eggs with toppings and salsa. I didn't think he would be interested but he actually did. Before he went into the kitchen, he came over behind the couch where I was sitting. He put his hand on my shoulder and leaned in and said 'I got the black licorice because I knew that your Dad used to love black licorice on Christmas'. I looked at him with stare of happiness. For those who don't know, he had not been there for me emotionally when my Dad passed away and it was a very difficult time for me. I had brought this up after BD on how much I had missed him during this time and how much it hurt that he had let me down in that area. So for him to think of something my dad liked and give it to me on Christmas was...I can't even think of a word, but it was awesome of him to do that. He started to walk away and I said 'that was sweet, Oh sure, make me cry now!' and laughed. Wow.
He made the breakfast and then we ate. Afterwards I thanked him with a hug from behind and kissed his cheek.
We opened gifts. I had gotten him only one small thing, my heart just wasn't in it but I knew he would be hurt if I didn't get him anything. I gave him a collector's edition of the Fast and Furious 6 cds. He and S love those movies and we loved Paul Walker. I also had put a card in his stocking, just signed it with my name and no love stuff. He didn't mention the card at all, but I didn't mind. Just knowing he got it was fine for me.
He got me a Audrey Hepburn calendar I had mentioned I liked the other day when he and I were out shopping for S. Even though it wasn't a love gift, it was nice that he had remembered something I said I liked. He also gave me 3 gift cards to various places. Things he would have done back in 'normal' days. He also had put some tikki marsala sauce in my stocking. We had watched a show the other day about how they make it and I had commented on how good it looked. So again he remembered something I said I liked. Also, he gave me a jar of fancy olives, because I LOVE olives. I'm finding this weird, lol. But so nice.
We had fun watching S open his gifts. We had convinced him we just didn't have the money for a new smart phone for him, but we bought one because the less recent ones are now free or very cheap. S was SO HAPPY with this! So Christmas morning was very nice.
Then in the afternoon we got ready to go over to his mom's and dad's house. We were wrapping up some last minute gifts for his family and I asked H to help out wrapping some gift cards in tissue paper. At first, he wrapped it in a huge ball of paper and held it out to me with a look like what do I do now. I just laughed and said 'Oh you guys', and then let it go. Normally in the past I would have said something like 'really, you can't do better than that?' So that was a 180. I left him to his own on that and he actually did end up wrapping them nicely.
When we got to parent's house I hugged and kissed everyone in the family, they were so warm and nice, just like always. Then throughout the snack eating and gift opening, I was laughing and making jokes and getting involved in conversations. At one point S was showing grandma his new phone and she asked what grandma's ringtone was and I said singing 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer!' Everyone laughed and Grandma just cracked up!
I really was in a good mood, just because that is normally who I am and it felt good to be with family and on a nice holiday. A couple of times H spoke up about something but he was being so quiet voiced that people didn't hear him. I felt kind of bad for him. As I was sitting next to him, I said a few times 'I don't think they heard you' or I got someone's attention that he was trying to say something too. That was odd. He also drank 3 glasses of wine there which is unusual, he wouldn't have drank before at his parent's house.
My MIL gave me a heavy crystal ornament on a pretty ribbon. I thanked her for it and when they turned away from that, I said to H 'maybe I should hang this around your neck' and chuckled. I meant it as in those heavy huge necklaces that the rapper's have on their necks. But he said 'so you can keep track of me and where I'm going' and he laughed weakly, but didn't look at me. I just laughed but was curious about the way he answered. I just let it go. LOL! sheesh.
I left H sitting on the couch often and mingled with family, just having a good old time. I love me now, the me that I used to be, fun, happy, a jokester. I had missed that girl!
H did not bring his phone in the house nor did he text in the car on the way there or back. That was SO nice not to have that annoying factor around.
After we got home, I asked him a few times if he wanted to watch the movie I gave him. He was strange about it and kept saying 'nah, i'm ok' or 'i'll do it later'. Normally he would have been all over watching that movie, 3 or 4 times even.
We also have a tradition of where we get each other little lego things to build, the small boxes. We both gave S one, and then I gave H one. I didn't get one :(, but wasn't surprised by it. H also would have been all over building that too, but didn't, just took it to his room. Poor guy. So sad to see him leave the fun little joys behind.
So even though it was a nice day, nice to have H there and participating, he seemed kind of depressed in a quiet way. He would laugh once in a while, but it seemed like he forgot for a minute that he was not supposed to show happy or something. Mlc, gotta love it. not.
It's a crazy life, but I'm good peeps!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Pudmuddle, Sounds like your Christmas was very nice. I'm glad things went okay for you and your family. That was so funny about the ring tone that your S has on his phone for his grandmother. I love that song.
I found your h's gesture about remembering your father touching.
I do hope that the rest of the holiday season is peaceful for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
S didn't actually have that in his ringtone, I was being silly and suggesting that. It was quite funny.
I was quite nicely surprised by that small gesture from my H on the licorice, which actually made it HUGE in my heart. He is building on my love bucket, even if he doesn't wanna! LOL
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Really pleased for you that you had a nice Christmas These MLCers do seem to be more "with it" lately. My H has been nice lately, I don't know what's up with him!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I'm so glad to hear about your positives and overall pleasant Christmas. I think I am most impressed with how you seem to be happier, handling things well, and taking it in stride. I'd say you have come a long way. Best wishes.
Pud - It sounds like you had a good Christmas. I loved that your H picked out the licorice because it was your dad's favorite. Very sweet and thoughtful
So glad you had a nice Christmas. You are doing so well and the PMA is coming through loud and clear. I especially like your remark about loving you. It made me think and I realized that, you know what, I love me, too! So you are not only doing great in your own sitch, you are inspiring the rest of us!
It was interesting to read about your H's sort of non-interaction with the rest of the family. I see that a lot of that with my H. It is so hard not to "come to the rescue" and help them with their discomfort. But, they need to work through it themselves. Great job!
I am so glad to see that he is thinking about special things to please you, like the licorice. Be thankful for those baby steps. They seem to be getting a little bigger as time goes on.
2t2m
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
I hope you and your children had a wonderful day too.
He didn't mention the card at all, but I didn't mind. Just knowing he got it was fine for me.