Each Christmas Eve X’s family meets for a traditional family meal and a gift exchange. I have attended this event each year for 31 years. I and one of the SIL’s have prepared this meal for about the last 10 years. It is SIL’s meal, I only prep and monitor the food as it cooks. The last few years the in laws have requested my presence. X did not attend in the preceding 2 years. Christmas Eve was the first time X and I have been civil for more than a few minutes while in the same building. This was a test of sorts as we are invited to our Grand Daughter’s 2nd birthday party at the in laws house in a few weeks.
I was in the kitchen prepping when X arrived. While she was exchanging pleasantries and discussing why her parents would not attend one of the SILs in the kitchen said quietly “Deep Breathes”. I thought I was handling things well, but my tension level probably became evident. I was bracing myself for no good reason. During the course of the evening X spoke to me once asking me how I was doing.
The evening went well. I had a good time. I believe I would have been more relaxed and interacted with the group more had X not attended. The salient point was we can be present, in reasonably close proximity and not be snarky. Hopefully that will continue the next time even when we are not under the watchful eyes of family.
Each of my nieces and their husbands at various points in the evening took me aside to express appreciation for my continued presence in their lives and support.
From this I take away a couple of more things.
She is done and moving on. Whether she meant me to or not I was privy to discussions she had with family about her life and where she is taking it.
I am done. I was more concerned about the how any drama we might have would affect the evening and family than how it would affect me or reflect upon me or her.
I need to dictate the pace of my life rather than allowing circumstance to do so. I began allowing circumstance to dictate when Mom’s health declined and for a time that was necessary. It is a habit to break now.
Other aspects of interaction with family over the last few days contributed to a better personal outlook.
One night a niece, her husband, my son and I visited, drank a little scotch and smoked cigars, the first cigar I have consumed in almost 40 years. We’re all vets and can draw upon common experiences.
My children made a point of have a separate gift exchange between us and invited me over for dinner tonight.
It has been a good Christmas.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
