After weeks of doing a really good job enforcing my boundaries, I completely threw them out the window over the holiday. And I actually think that I am ok with it. I was determined to have a good Christmas with the kiddos and just live in the moment.
Monday night, my H asked me to go see a movie with him on Christmas Eve morning. I agreed. I dropped the kids off at my in-laws house, picked up H and we headed out to see Catching Fire (loved it). The last time we went out together right after BD, it was a disaster. Everything was normal, nothing crazy and no drama. After the movie, we headed back to my in-laws house to open presents and then to attend their annual Christmas Eve party.
After the party, H came back to our house so that he could be here when the kids woke up on Christmas morning. We put the kids to sleep and went downstairs to set up for Christmas morning and to put the kids drum set together (may be regretting that present soon). We shared a bottle of wine and started talking. We talked, hung out until 4 am and eventually ML.
While it may have been the complete opposite of DBing, I was ok with what happened because I am at a point that I don't have any expectations that things will change. It simply felt good to see that H was still attracted to me and that there could be passion between us. We did have a SSM and I was pretty much pregnant the last few years which really did not help. H looked at my body as a baby/nursing machine. I know that H had rewritten our history and convinced himself that we never had a passionate, intimate relationship. Heck, I don't fully blame him considering that I seriously could not remember the last time that we ML. I was a good reminder to me (and maybe H) that the past couple years did not represent our entire relationship and any possible future relationship.
Things are back to our new normal now and I am ok with it. Even if we dont R, this Christmas Eve/Christmas with my H and our kids will hold a special place in my heart.
