Ambivalent, In my opinion, I think he thought he was giving you something that you could read and use as a reference guide as you walk through the maze of divorce and finances. To be honest w/you, I don't even think he thought of the gifts as being insensitive or thoughtless. He wanted to give you something that you can put to good use in the near future. He, in his own way, is trying to prepare you to live on your own and for you to be able to manage your finances. In a very passive way, he's advising you that he is moving forward w/his life and you should too, i.e., the book about separation and divorce. He's not trying to give you any hope of a reconciliation and he's hoping that you'll get the message from the books. Again, that's just my opinion.
I don't see him using these books as a way to make amends for what he is causing. If he were trying to make amends, he would be working w/you and advising you of all of the financial mess he's created and not just walk away. After all, you were the one that discovered everything in the last few days. He's not been open w/you at all about the delinquent hospital bills, etc.
But, keep in mind, there's no way to tell just exactly what is on his mind. Mlcers think differently than we do...but I do find yours books as a rather interesting gift based on what little discussion you and your h have had since Thanksgiving. He's put some thought into which ones to give you that he thinks will help you.
I do hope your day w/your daughter and BIL was a nice one in spite of the gift and what is going on in your life right now. Please take care of yourself. I know you've got a lot on your plate and it's going to take some time to whittle down the piles of things to do, but you'll get there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
