"in what universe...?" part 6

[TryingToDo180]

H came round this morning to pick up my son. He stayed for a coffee and all 3 of us sat there having a chat about Christmas Day. He even thanked me for his coffee and said it was a lovely cup of coffee. I've never been able to make him a decent cup since he left, lol.
When he left, he looked up at me and smiled. I've heard others say on here how their WAS/MLCers don't look them in the eyes anymore. Anyway it was the saddest smile I've ever seen. Maybe it's Christmas, but I think there was some regret behind that smile. I can't go back to how we were before though, too much has gone down. I've got to move on now, maybe in the future I might learn to love and trust him again but not at the moment.
I've been putting off telling you all this as I know I'm going to be hit by a 2x4. I rang up MIL the other day and I was complaining about my mum to her and how she'd upset me. I said I'd forgiven my H for leaving me and I had hoped that as a Christian my mum would've too. Well... That was the wrong thing to say - My MIL said there's nothing to forgive, why do you think he left you? I said I didn't know. She said all these years you've slept in separate beds and you've lied to me about it's because he snored. I said I didn't lie, H was overweight and snored loudly and either woke me up or kept me awake. She said that I've got to take the blame for things that have happened between us as well as H. Then she apologised and said that it's because he is her son. I hardly ever lie, little white lies maybe but I hate being called a liar. She really upset me and I don't think she knows how much.
Anyway she rang me and my son on Christmas Day and was all happy and jolly again.
I feel that this separation has caused a rift in our family. My mum, dad and sister would never accept him back and I know this isn't their life but I couldn't cope with the aggro. I could forgive my MIL for saying that I'm a liar, but could she forgive me. My family has never really accepted him back for the last time he left me, they say they have but deep down there was still an underlying thing going on. My H hasn't worked for a while because of his depression and he's built up a considerable amount of debt. I don't really want his debt back and he still hasn't got a job. We all want our families to be proud of us deep down and I want a happy life now, not the life I had with H for the last 4 years. I don't want to have to struggle with money anymore, struggle with coping with his depression and him being out of work. This is why I'm looking forward now to getting a better life for me, I want to go forwards not backwards.
Anyway, on a more cheerful note, I hope everyone here has a great Boxing Day I'm off to my friend's in the afternoon and stopping over. She's got some neighbours coming in during the afternoon and then when they've gone we'll have a chance to catch up as I've not seen her for ages! I'm looking forward to telling her all about my wish list and see what she thinks about whether I've got a chance. I've got a bottle of pink champagne chilling in the fridge that I'm taking round She said she had a box of wine, but I'm sure she won't refuse some champagne BTW, I did drink the rest of the champagne last night, I had a cup of camomile tea and a valerian tablet to help me sleep. I had a great sleep last night and woke up about 9am