Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

Although this Christmas was the first time in my life when the holiday was internally depressing and sad, we adults managed to play nice and enjoy the time with our beautiful kids. It was a nice day.

W and I did have a difficult convo a few days ago. She has been applying for jobs without luck. We both have a job with the same organization, and our combined salary gives (gave)us a normal life. But being a faith-based organization, she is "done" with the job as well as me. A complicating factor in all of this is that when she quits her job, and/or if we S or go through the big D, then there is a high likelihood that I will lose my job as well.

Since her degree is from another country, and she doesn't want to drop fries at a fast food place, she has had no luck finding anything so far (3 months into the job search). So she asked me what I thought about her going back to school for a Masters in a certain foreign language. The same language as the country of the guy I suspect of being more than a friend.

Despite that, I empathize with her situation and I tried to validate and I do believe the her going back to school is probably a good thing for her life, especially if her MLC is causing her to experience a faith crisis which necessitates a career change.

Then she asked if she could use half of our savings to do that. She asked if that would be wise.

I told her I would update her on our financial situation and then we could discuss what that would mean for her to use half for her masters.

Later that night, we inadvertently entered into an R discussion, and I tried to end the convo. But she got mad with that, and told me that I must not want to talk to her (more of the same type behavior from me). I then reversed course and allowed the conversation to continue. During this conversation, she told me she stopped loving me 19 months ago when S1 was born, even though BD was just 7 months ago. During this talk she did not waver as to her desire to leave me.

At this point, I am not sure how I feel about her using half of our savings for an escape plan. I assume if she does this, and then we end up divorced, she will get another half at that point. A large portion of our savings is an inheritance from a deceased family member on my side.

I don't mind the potential of losing my job to fight for the M. I also don't mind the idea of her using our money to further her education. But I think I do mind the idea that I may lose my job, 3/4 of our finances, and still get left by her.

Is this cake eating?

Is there any way to bring this up while still DBing?