Moving In

[adinva]

I am sooo tired. We had lovely church service Christmas eve, me and the boys, and it made me so happy to be there experiencing the joy of christmas with them. Then they got to open their present from me and went off to play their new games. My sister stayed over. I wrapped and baked till midnight.

Christmas morning i made quiche and coffee with my sister and we chitchatted while waiting for the boys to wake up. They opened their little santa presents.

Then we got word that my brother was stranded in Baltimore so all the time i thought i had to get the house ready for my party went into driving to baltimore to get him. Uh oh, 12:00 at my parents' turned into 3:00 at my parents'. I had my party at 4. We enjoyed a ham dinner and started slow orderly gift exchange. I was getting concerned about my guests. It all worked out. H and his mom were there at 4, i got there to vacuum at 4:30 (which was important to me to help my more allergy prone guests) and the next guest arrived about 4:45. The last one left at 8:45. I was so glad my cousins (really h's cousins) came.

When it was just h's immediate family i showed the video of nephews wedding. H said it was stupid that they did the breaking the wine glass thing. I ignored him. We really barely spoke to each other, not malicious seeming, just like if youre at a work party and there's someone you hardly know and arent interested in talking to. Friendly and distant. The cousins asked how i was, really, and i told them i am good. A lot going on but good. One gave me a book on Finding Joy. They are really caring authentic people.

I was glad to see everyone from my family and his on christmas but i dont know if i will feel like hosting h next year. It's a little hard to need to focus on positives to cope...i could make things easier on myself by not trying to be so over the top gracious to him. I'd like a rest, i'm tired.

Next up, h's sister put out a call for january 4 at her house. No one wrote back right away so she followed up that her daughter would be home from college and her son was moving to ohio soon so everyone should really try to be there. So h emailed "i will be there". I dont want to be stinky about it but i think he should take his kids there and give me a break. I need to tell him that i expect him to take a more active role, but not today, later. I would like to be getting a massage that day. It is hard to smile and be around all of them and act like its perfectly normal to be with them, once a holiday i can do but twice seems a bit much. I might feel more like going after i've rested up.

I would like it if h would have checked with me to see if he could take the kids there or if id be bringing them, before he rsvp'd like a single guy.