Is there anyone you can go stay with for a few days? Preferably a guy friend who is maybe single?
You sound like you really need some company and isolation is not going to help.
Pls keep posting and updating us. We are here for you! Friends in the virtual sense, but friends none the less.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
There's nowhere to go. Friends nearby are all mutual and are aware of the situation. I did visit a couple yesterday. Their kids are here for Christmas break and the kids love me and my W. It was a good visit but of course my W comes up on conversation.
It wasn't too bad though. My W and the female of that couple are friends. Most info this friend saw on FB. They still talk and this friend isn't top happy with what my W is doing, has done, will do. I feel like I need to be careful what I say to them but they listen and talk too.
We are playing a dinner today and watch movies with their kids. It'll be fun. Not the same but it'll be ok.
I know our past relationship is done. I know she's having an affair. OM will be moving to her city this week. She's still wanting divorce. It's accepting all of that and letting it go.
I do want to be with my W again. If we are I know it'll be a lot work to deal with these issues and solving our old ones.
I wanted to put her things in storage. I've considered moving myself. I just don't know. I'm trying to be patient. She may never want to be together again.
Our friend told me yesterday: She's been gone just over 5 weeks. She hasn't worked on herself, it's been all about having fun and OM, she still hasn't gone to the dentist, still no ID, she asks me to send paperwork but is capable of getting things done herself, she says she's broke but can go out, she been there long enough to be miserable and done it to herself.
We are still married but she wants divorce and is having an affair. I should not send money. I can't do it.
As far as paperwork and little things she wants from the house idk. Part of me says cooperate for now, the other says do not do anything she asks.
I haven't replied to her message from two days ago about wanting money and things and I don't plan to. I'm trying to go dark. She wants a divorce, knows how I feel, having affair, abandoned me and everything here. She needs to know what it'll be like without me. Correct?
Still want to pack her belongings and put in storage. I think it'll make a difference for me to heal some. If any contact with her I'll let her know her things are in storage and I believe she took the paperwork she's asking for (l can't find it). At some point I'll have to change insurance policies too and let her know.
I know this process isn't pretty but I don't want things to be ugly. There's no reason to argue. If she gets vindictive or vengeful then I'll have to stay calm and work through it.
Well I've decided to slowly start sorting and packing her things. I will also be packing my stuff that I won't need for awhile. I know this will be hard. It was nerve wrecking just to make room in the storage unit. I feel I have no choice here. I've thought about it enough.
I can't keep going on this way. She's been gone nearly 6 weeks. It's horrible I have to be the one to do this alone but she wants to avoid. We also have a lot of cats and I don't know if she's even concerned about them. I'm sure she is but I believe she's expecting me to stay here and work for her parents while she runs around, has fun, and no real responsibility.
I, at some point, feel I need to inform her that:
Things are packed and I can't send what she's asking for. My stuff is also being packed. And our insurance policies will soon be changed. She's having an affair so I'm not sending money. And I'm moving soon.
This will be me standing up for myself. Which is something I haven't done in some time (180) and she won't expect. If she does want to divorce this will push that or at least make some reality come into focus for her, I hope. If she's set on divorce then we move to that. If she needs to check for greener pastures and stay in a confused fantasy land well I'll decide what I want from there on. I've done all I could.
I know she expects me to stay here. She's not expecting me to stand my ground and make life changes for me without her. She knows I still love and want to be with her. She says she wants divorce and seeing someone else. If that is what she truly wants then I need to stand up and move on.
Telling her the above things will be hard for me but I believe I need to. It also shows I won't be waiting around. I'm living my life. Will it change her mind? Maybe not. Will she see that I won't be waiting for her? Or feel that she is losing me? Idk. I'm hoping it will but I'm doubtful...
I want to be with her but I can't stay stuck hoping it will happen. It's all in her time.
wow, I agree with you. I am only 3 weeks into my separation this week. I will wait for the dust to settle from the holidays and see what comes in January. If there are any moves to reconcile or even talk. We have nothing at this point. If no progress by 6 weeks I may find myself doing exactly what you are doing. By the way, did you say she only left 6 weeks ago and there's already OM? or was that an issue before as well?
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
She was talking to OM when she left. Emotional affair through email, text, phone. He was living in another state. I hear he is moving to her city this week.
I'm giving myself another month before I really make bigger decisions. And to see what/if anything changes.
Thanks. I'm trying but it's hard. Books haven't arrived yet. I'm staying with NC, looks like she is too at the moment.
A friend of hers asked if I was working on myself and figuring out my issues.
WHOA!!
I hope you see the HUGE signficance of THIS^^^^ comment. It's "intel" you need. It's more than a 'hint"! A friend of HERS is asking YOU if YOU are working on YOURSELF...so
stop focussing on whether your w is coming back to you and
start becoming the man she'd want to return to.
Frankly I don't care about the affair if it's not a dealbreaker for you.
In fact, I'd stop thinking about it altogether and just BE the better choice.
Read the books and read THIS thread and look in the mirror for things to work on so you take the focus OFF your wife, whom you have no control over anyhow
and only, exclusively work on YOU.
Become a man only a fool would leave. Dig deep and look within.
You just may have a chance at turning this around.
and have a peaceful holiday, no matter what happens. THings WILL get better down the road. I promise.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yeah. The problem with the friend...it's great she asked that but I found out she was covering for the OM. She knew W was spending Christmas with him and played it off as if she was spending it with her. Anyway.
I've been having weird dreams about my W lately. Not easy to sleep.
I was going to pack things today but I stayed out too long lastnite. Needed sleep. I have friends family to have dinner with today. Mutual friends.
