My Picnic Blanket

[bustingout]

KG thank you for the beautiful post. I hope you are having a wonderful holiday.

To clarify, what I meant by clean break is shutting the door completely. Not with his R with the kids, but with me and as a family unit.

Thank you for the reminder about choice. I am becoming more aware of the fact that I am constantly making choices and..every hour even...on how I respond to what is around me. It is a very calm feeling knowing i can make these choices.


We are in Europe now at the family home with SIL and BIL and families.

I have several observations:

* I am much more calm from inside and have zero expectations.
*I feel happy
*I am controlling my fears with rationale calm thoughts and working through them. I remove myself from the group when I need a few minutes to collect my thoughts.
*I am more open when I speak...less feelings of shame for who I am...more confident of who I am.
*H is MUCH MORE engaged. Minimal texting/calling, if any, with OW.
*SIL has commented on her more 'engaged and relaxed' brother.
*H actively getting involved with kids...taking the initiative.
*H sits with us all and talks with us...previous years he sat up in the TV room with door closed...no entry.
*H agreed to take kids with me to Christmas market and shopping. Was calm and peaceful.
*H got me a Christmas present. First time in three years.
*A negative observation-H tells people he is 'living' in Dubai now...no longer 'just working' there.

I am aware that there is nothing here that relates to him and me directly. I am very pleased with the apparent and slow reconnection with his brother and sister and his kids.

I am watching. I am observing. I am not making a move. Its like watching a recovering addict almost...how long will this last and is it real.

Happy holidays everyone