I realized today how much I've changed since H and I have been together. When we met I was 29, had never really dated much but was really comfortable with myself. During college I worked retail and the other girls couldn't understand how I could go to lunch alone at a restaurant. They felt strange doing things alone but I didn't. You know why? Because I liked me and didn't mind spending time by myself. Now I seem to be clingy and can't go places by myself, I guess because I am used to being a part of a couple?
I was also cheerful, quiet but in a good mood most of the time. I was always polite to everyone no matter what. In a store shopping? I excused myself when walking in front of someone. At work I always was nice to people, told them have a good day or Happy whatever holiday it was. I was heavily involved in church and prayed continuously.
I seem to have lost myself lately. I'm grumpy, silent and never remember to tell people to have a nice day. Yeah I've been through a lot in the past 4 months but everyone is going through something. I've decided to return to the person I was.
I started today by smiling at people in the mall, telling the clerks thank you and Merry Christmas. The reactions made me feel more alive than I have in months. Now to keep it up. PMA all day everyday. Things will get better. Yes I want H to come back but not like he is now. I will continue to work on me until he figures out his life but I can't put mine on hold until then.
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Bravo! You are now in the processing of rediscovering yourself, i.e., the person you once were prior to marriage. Once you begin to feel comfortable within your own skin, you'll soon discover that there is a world out there just waiting for you to smile upon it once more.
I'm so proud of you. Today was the beginning of that new you. Smiles, thank yous and wishing Merry Christmas to others opens the door for opportunities to share and be a part of the world around you. It doesn't have to be every day, but if you smile, the whole world will smile w/you. People do take notice of these little things and they are more receptive to you and are friendlier, I think.
Keep up the good work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Talked to D tonight and she told me when she was running a fever that H got teary on her saying he didn't want her to die. He told me it was just cold rags to break her fever but she said he made her take a warm shower and was trying not to cry. I think maybe he panicked? I was thinking he was dead inside and emotionless but I guess he's still in there somewhere. Thing is I'm usually the one to panic and he's the calm one guess they do become the total opposite?
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Yes, they do become the opposite and it sounds like he was very concerned about your little one. Your h is afraid of death and it scared him when she was sick and he didn't have you to rely on and make things better for him and your d. Poor man.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It seems strange that my adrenaline junkie, if I get hurt I'll heal, H is this afraid. I do feel sorry for him. The only thing that scares me about death is if my D would be taken care of but of course if I'm dead that's out of my hands. LOL
He did say during a lot of his spewing that he was afraid he couldn't make it if he stayed or he knew he wouldn't be alive in 10 years if he stayed. When I back up and look at it unemotionally I can see this for what it is. In the heat of the moment I have a harder time. LOL
Anywhoo, my D comes home tonight, I have the presents wrapped, house partially cleaned, cookies to bake, and pigs to get into blankets. Full day!
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Tbh, my H said something similar, that he had about 10-15 years to live and he didn’t want to argue in a relationship. It is not that we argued all the time, there were just a couple of things we got into argument about, like him texting his female friends, for example. Now, he is looking for a “harmonious relationship” and a perfect partner for the remaining 10-15 years of his life. And parting, of course.
I can say that I lost myself in a marriage too. I cannot say that I was comfortable going places by myself, but I was pretty independent. I became clingy and dependent on H emotionally. I’ve been working on this since BD and I’m making progress.
I hope your D feels better and have a wonderful day.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
BF, We'll rediscover ourselves and be better for it! Our poor H's will miss out on the awesomeness that is us! 2014 is going to be a better year, a time for new beginnings!
Now he's hitting me up for the cancellation fee for my cell phone. You know the one he told me I had to get (so he could text OW without me knowing )the phone I wouldn't have if he had decided to stay and work through this at home. Oh well, if I have it I'll give it to him just so he can't throw it in my face later. He's the one that offered me the obscene amount of support each month so he could be 'free'. I'm sure OW might not enjoy a bloated, broke, confused guy. Oh well....
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Well D is home, safely in bed. He sent me a text saying they were leaving and D was being hateful. So they get here and she's showing me all her stuff and he's sick as a dog with whatever D and I have had. Well he starts to leave and realizes he hasn't told D goodbye, hugs her and says 'well you're home, now you can be happy'. Gets a bit choked up and kisses her and leaves. I didn't know in the moment whether to say something to him about guilting her about wanting to go home or not, but I held my tongue because he was so sad when he said it. I think he's not as happy as he thought he'd be when he left.
All I know is I'm home with my child, getting ready for Santa to visit and I'm content with where I am right now. I'm trying to do what's right for what's left of this family and praying he figures it all out and gets better.
Merry Christmas!
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Glad to hear your daughter is back home, it must have been hard to have her sick and away.
It seems like your H had something of an emotional jolt from your daughter being sick, it will be interesting to see how that affects his demeanor over the coming days and weeks.
Merry Christmas, I am happy you have that sense of contentment for you and your D. Have a wonderful day!
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
TL I don't expect anything to change, I'm just surprised he was teary and emotional.
Today was ok. D and I did Santa and presents, got ready to head to my mother's. It was a bit melancholy with my brother being gone, h not being there, people grieving but trying to enjoy each other. Remembering the past and laughing together. My nephew kept telling his brother 'not Uncle H anymore' and the other (who was close to H since we started dating)saying he could call him uncle if he wanted. Poor guy is confused and thinking H hates him (they play a sport together)and is worried if he goes and plays he will be ugly to him. I told him to go and ignore him or speak and walk on. I told him the only person H hates is himself and he thinks me but we need to pray for him. He said he does everyday. If my 16 year old nephew is struggling with this then what is my D stuffing down emotionally?
The only time I almost cried today is when my mother's husband (only married 5 years so not really a step parent to me) told me, as I was leaving, if I ever needed anything at all to just ask. Money, help around the house, anything. This is the man that my mother and I used to joke that we were married to the same man 30 years apart and now he's offering to step in if needed.
I am truly blessed.
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
)the phone I wouldn't have if he had decided to stay and work through this at home. Oh well, if I have it I'll give it to him just so he can't throw it in my face later. He's the one that offered me the obscene amount of support each month so he could be 'free'. I'm sure OW might not enjoy a bloated, broke, confused guy. Oh well....