WR, The holidays always have a lot of expectations and unfortunately when dealing w/a mlcer, they tend to throw in monkey wrenches on the family holidays. I'm sorry things haven't been going well and the holidays are upon us, but the feelings you are having are very normal. You are human and you can't shut those feelings off just because a holiday rolls around. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We all have or are going through the same feelings you are.
Please try to enjoy your holiday w/your sons. They are growing up to be wonderful young men who will always remember that mom did the best she could in an impossible situation. You have so much to be proud of in your sons. You are a wonderful mother who is doing everything possible to keep things as normal as you can.
Do something extra special for yourself today. You've earned it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
